Welcome to the Truth@Life Blog Site by Curtis Songer


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There are 5 threads of thought in this blog site:
1. Church Stuff - things pertaining to the evangelical Christian Church of today
2. Leadership Corner - concepts on management & leadership
3. Two Becoming One - principles of marriage enrichment
4. Train Up a Child - principles of parenting
5. Personal Thoughts - my mental ramblings on how God is growing me

I highly recommend you find an entry on one of these topics that interests you and click on that label at the end of that entry. It will bring up all the entries on that particular category. And be sure to check out the great web site links in the lower right corner of this page - Enjoy!

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

What Personal Qualities do Great Leaders Have? (part 1 of 2)

What personal qualities do great leaders have? (part 1 of 2) This is a complex question. I have been a student of leadership for many years and there is a plethora of theories and models concerning what good leadership looks like. As I have blogged before, leadership is influence (see http://nccxpastor.blogspot.com/2013/02/who-makes-great-leader.html). There are many bases for leadership: positional, relational, knowledge/information, performance, etc. But real, lasting leadership tends to be based upon influential relationships. In another recent blog, I listed 5 common misunderstandings about leadership. If those misunderstandings are examples of what leadership is not, then what personal qualities do make a great leader? Here are the first 6 of my “Top 10” personal qualities for a great leader: 1. Character. Character can be many things, but at its essence it is integrity, a leader does what he says he will do. It is being responsible and dependable to follow through. It is having the courage to do the right thing. And it is having the humility to admit when you are wrong. Character and integrity are required for trust to exist between two people and trust is the basis for all good relationships. 2. Self-Discipline & Self-Development. A leader must lead himself well before he can lead others well. This means he must count the cost of what good leadership takes and prioritize time accordingly. Good leadership requires personal sacrifice at times. For example, good leadership requires making the time for ongoing personal investment – a desire to learn and improve – what Stephen Covey calls “sharpening the saw”. 3. Create Positive Change. A good leader must be able to make a difference. He/she must be able to make change happen. To do this he/she must be a competent problem solver, confident in his/her abilities, have discernment, take initiative, and be results-oriented. 4. Positive & Passionate Attitude. A good leader must have an attitude that is contagious in a positive way. He/she must be able to motivate others to take action. He/she must show commitment to the vision and goals. And contrary to popular thought, a dynamic/charismatic personality can be a developed skill - even if it does not come naturally. 5. Vision. A good leader must have an ability to conceive of where the organization needs to go. Recognition of why the current state is bad is not enough. Real change only occurs when there is a clear vision of a future state that is much better than the current state. This is the “magnet” that draws the organization through the pain period of change. So conception of the vision is not enough. The leader must also be able to communicate the vision to those he/she leads in a clear and compelling way. 6. Focus. In the words of Peters and Waterman in “In Search of Excellence,” a good leader must be able to ‘stick to the knitting’. Based on the mission and vision of the organization, they must be able to set goals, prioritize, plan, and resource, based on what’s needed for change. They must maintain a focus on their primary objectives and strategies and not get distracted. Check back next week for the final 4 of my “Top 10” qualities of an effective leader. If you or someone in your organization could use assistance in developoing their leadership skills, call 248-396-6255 or email me at curtis.songer@gmail.com for a free consultation. If you receive value from these blogs, please consider donating to keep this blog site up and running. This ministry cannot continue without the generous donations of its readers. Just click on the "Donate" button in the upper right. For more info on help I can provide check out http://truthatlife.com/ or email me at curtis.songer@gmail.com

Monday, February 25, 2013

Five Age Old Leadership Lessons: #5. Love is Action: A Willingness to Sacrifice One’s Self

I wish I could take credit for these, but I cannot. Here is the fifth and final of five "Age Old Leadership Lessons"... Love is Action: A Willingness to Sacrifice One’s Self. Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare & serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness. The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister. I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, "Yes I'll do it if it will save her." As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the color returning to her cheek. Then his face grew pale and his smile faded. He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, "How long will it be before I start to die?" Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood in order to save her. Truth@Life can help you, regardless of your location. Call 248-396-6255 or email me at curtis.songer@gmail.com for a free consultation. If you receive value from these blogs, please consider donating to keep this blog site up and running. This ministry cannot continue without the generous donations of its readers. Just click on the "Donate" button in the upper right. For more info on help I can provide check out http://truthatlife.com/ or email me at curtis.songer@gmail.com

Saturday, February 23, 2013

Five Age Old Leadership Lessons: #4. Obstacles are Opportunities

I wish I could take credit for these, but I cannot. Here is the fourth of five "Age Old Leadership Lessons"... Obstacles are Opportunities. In ancient times, a king had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the king's' wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the king for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the stone out of the way. Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded. After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the king indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway. The peasant learned what many of us never understand! Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition. Truth@Life can help you, regardless of your location. Call 248-396-6255 or email me at curtis.songer@gmail.com for a free consultation. If you receive value from these blogs, please consider donating to keep this blog site up and running. This ministry cannot continue without the generous donations of its readers. Just click on the "Donate" button in the upper right. For more info on help I can provide check out http://truthatlife.com/ or email me at curtis.songer@gmail.com

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Five Age Old Leadership Lessons: #3. Always Remember Those Who Serve

I wish I could take credit for these, but I cannot. Here is the third of five "Age Old Leadership Lessons"... In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10-year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him. "How much is an ice cream sundae?" he asked. "Fifty cents," replied the waitress. The little boy pulled his hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in it. "Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?" he inquired. By now more people were waiting for a table and the waitress was growing impatient. "Thirty-five cents," she brusquely replied. The little boy again counted his coins. "I'll have the plain ice cream," he said. The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away. The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and left. When the waitress came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickels and five pennies. You see, the little boy couldn't have the sundae, because he had to have enough left to leave her a tip. Truth@Life can help you, regardless of your location. Call 248-396-6255 or email me at curtis.songer@gmail.com for a free consultation. If you receive value from these blogs, please consider donating to keep this blog site up and running. This ministry cannot continue without the generous donations of its readers. Just click on the "Donate" button in the upper right. For more info on help I can provide check out http://truthatlife.com/ or email me at curtis.songer@gmail.com

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Five Age Old Leadership Lessons: #2. Help People in Need

I wish I could take credit for these, but I cannot. Here is the second of five "Age Old Leadership Lessons"... One night, at 11:30 p.m., an older African American woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway trying to endure a lashing rain storm. Her car had broken down and she desperately needed a ride. Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car. A young white man stopped to help her, generally unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960's. The man took her to safety, helped her get assistance and put her into a taxicab. She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his address and thanked him. Seven days went by and a knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a giant console color TV was delivered to his home. A special note was attached. It read: "Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway the other night. The rain drenched not only my clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along. Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying husband's' bedside just before he passed away. God bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving others." Sincerely, Mrs. Nat King Cole. Truth@Life can help you, regardless of your location. Call 248-396-6255 or email me at curtis.songer@gmail.com for a free consultation. If you receive value from these blogs, please consider donating to keep this blog site up and running. This ministry cannot continue without the generous donations of its readers. Just click on the "Donate" button in the upper right. For more info on help I can provide check out http://truthatlife.com/ or email me at curtis.songer@gmail.com

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Five Age Old Leadership Lessons: #1. Notice People: They Deserve Your Attention

I wish I could take credit for these, but I cannot. Here is the first of five "Age Old Leadership Lessons"... During my second month of college, our professor gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions until I read the last one: "What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?" Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50's, but how would I know her name? I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our quiz grade. "Absolutely," said the professor. "In your careers, you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say "hello." I've never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her name was Dorothy. Truth@Life can help you, regardless of your location. Call 248-396-6255 or email me at curtis.songer@gmail.com for a free consultation. If you receive value from these blogs, please consider donating to keep this blog site up and running. This ministry cannot continue without the generous donations of its readers. Just click on the "Donate" button in the upper right. For more info on help I can provide check out http://truthatlife.com/ or email me at curtis.songer@gmail.com

Monday, February 18, 2013

Who Makes a Great Leader?

If you don’t have the ability to influence others in a positive way, you will never be able to lead others. People have many misconceptions about leadership. When they hear that someone has an impressive title or an assigned leadership position, they assume that he or she is a leader. Sometimes that’s true. But titles don’t have much value when it comes to truly leading. True leadership cannot be awarded, appointed, or assigned. It comes only from influence, and that cannot be mandated – it must be earned. Great examples are Princess Diana and Mother Theresa – neither had any real authority, but both exercised an incredible amount of influence that outlived their individual lives. The only thing a title can buy is a little time – either to increase your level of influence with others or to erase it. Here are five common misunderstandings about leadership: 1. Smart people are natural Leaders: Sir Francis Bacon once said, “Knowledge is power.” Most people, believing that power is the essence of leadership, naturally assume that those who possess knowledge and intelligence are leaders. But that isn’t automatically true. IQ does not necessarily equate to leadership ability. 2. Great managers are great Leaders: A widespread misunderstanding is that leadership and management are one and the same. Up until a few years ago, books that claimed to be on leadership were often really about management. The main difference between the two is that leadership is about influencing people to follow, while management focuses on maintaining systems and processes. Consequently, a great way to test whether a person can lead rather than manage is to ask him to create positive change. 3. The first to go must be the leader: Another misconception is that anyone who is out in front of the crowd is a leader. But being first isn’t the same as leading. Example: Sir Edmund Hillary was the first man to reach the summit of Mount Everest, but he wasn’t the leader of the climb (John Hunt was). Sir Edmund was also one of the first to reach the South Pole. But again, he wasn’t the leader of the Trans-Antarctic Expedition; Sir Vivian Fuchs was. Leaders often go first and lead by example, but those who go first are not always good leaders – it takes more than that to be a good leader. 4. Entrepreneurs make excellent leaders: Frequently, people assume that all salespeople and entrepreneurs are leaders. But that’s often not the case. Just because someone is buying what they are selling, does not make them leaders – people are not really following them. At best, salespeople and entrepreneurs may be able to persuade someone for the moment, but they hold no long-term real influence. 5. The boss is the real leader: As mentioned earlier, the greatest misconception about leadership is that people think it is based on position, but it’s not. As Stanley Huffy once affirmed, “It is not the position that makes the leader, but the leader who makes the position.” Positional leadership doesn’t work with volunteer organizations. These leaders don’t have leverage – or influence – so they are ineffective. In volunteer organizations, such as churches, the only thing that works is leadership in its purest form – influence-based, servant leadership. One of my favorite leadership proverbs is, “He who thinks he leads, but has no followers, is only taking a walk.” If you can’t influence others, they won’t follow you. And if they won’t follow, you’re not a leader. No matter what anybody else says, always remember that leadership is the ability to influence in a positive manner – nothing more, nothing less. Do you or someone you know need to improve their influence? Truth@Life can help you, regardless of your location. Call 248-396-6255 or email me at curtis.songer@gmail.com for a free consultation. If you receive value from these blogs, please consider donating to keep this blog site up and running. This ministry cannot continue without the generous donations of its readers. Just click on the "Donate" button in the upper right. For more info on help I can provide check out http://truthatlife.com/ or email me at curtis.songer@gmail.com

Saturday, February 9, 2013

What Is Leadership & Why Is It Important?

Leadership is influence, nothing more, nothing less. Everyone is a leader – from the stay-at-home mom, to the elected government official, to the big brother/sister, to the CEO. Leadership ability determines a person’s level of effectiveness. The collective leadership ability within an organization determines that organization’s effectiveness. The stronger the leadership, the greater the effectiveness. Leadership ability – for better or worse – always determines your effectiveness and the potential impact you can have on those around you and your organization. A great example of this is the story of the McDonald’s Corporation. The original founders in 1937, were Dick & Maurice McDonald. They had a vision for speedy, economical hamburgers with a drive-up window capability. Unfortunately, their vision, as well as their leadership ability, never enabled their restaurants to expand to more than a few outlets. Eventually (in 1955), they sold their business to Ray Kroc, a business man with a much greater vision and leadership ability. By 1998, McDonald’s had expanded to 21,000 restaurants in more than 100 countries. His strong leadership allowed the corporation to grow exponentially. Personal success without servant leadership brings only limited effectiveness. It is temporal. A person’s impact is only a fraction of what it could be with good leadership. It takes true servant leadership to make lasting impact, to leave an enduring legacy. The more you hope to achieve, the more you are going to need good leadership skills, for yourself and for your organization. The greater the impact you want to make, the greater your influence needs to be. Whatever you will accomplish in life is restricted by your ability to lead and influence others. Leadership ability is always the limit on both personal and organizational effectiveness. Personal and organizational effectiveness is proportionate to the strength of leadership ability present. Look around you. There are plenty of examples where you can find smart, talented, successful people who are able to go only so far because of the limitations of their leadership ability. You can find plenty of churches located in wealthy, growing areas that are dying a slow death. In times of trouble, many organizations look for new leadership. When a country is experiencing hard times, it elects a new president. When a company is losing money, it hires a new CEO. When a sports team keeps losing, it looks for a new coach. And when a church is floundering, it searches for a new senior pastor. The good news is that getting rid of the leader isn’t the only way. If leadership is strong, the limit is high. You can break through the limitations on yourself or your organization by improving the leadership skills present. The principles of leadership are immutable, they never change. They have existed for thousands of years. They can be studied and learned. They can be mastered through application. Do you or of someone you know need to improve their leadership ability? Truth@Life can help you, regardless of your location. Call 248-396-6255 or email me at curtis.songer@gmail.com for a free consultation. If you receive value from these blogs, please consider donating to keep this blog site up and running. This ministry cannot continue without the generous donations of its readers. Just click on the "Donate" button in the upper right. For more info on help I can provide check out http://truthatlife.com/ or email me at curtis.songer@gmail.com

Monday, February 4, 2013

Empowerment (part 2 of 2)

Only secure leaders are able to give themselves away. Mark Twain once remarked that, “Great things can happen when you don’t care who gets the credit.” Some take that a step farther. They believe that great things can happen only when you give the credit to others. They are the empowerers. Leadership must be based on goodwill. It means wholehearted commitment to helping followers. It is men of heart who are so helpful that they, in effect, do away with the need of their jobs. Leaders like that are never out of a job and never out of followers. Strange as it sounds, great leaders gain authority by giving it away. Abraham Lincoln is a great example of this. Although he was often accused of having stretched the power of the Executive Office, he based his power upon the empowerment of others. He could not have commanded so much executive power had he not built up a base of empowered leaders who wholeheartedly supported him. This is clearly demonstrated in his empowerment of his general during the Civil War, despite his own strong opinions on how the war should be conducted. He gave others credit for the victories and took full responsibility for the “opportunities missed”. Leaders, such as Lincoln, take the blame for failure and give others the credit for success. Consequently, a key to empowering others is a high belief in people. Empowerment is powerful, not only for the person being developed, but also for the mentor. Enlarging others makes you larger. It helps others achieve what they could not have done on their own. It makes them a better leader. That is the impact of the Principle of Empowerment. Do you or of someone you know struggle with empowerment? Truth@Life can help you, regardless of your location. Call 248-396-6255 or email me at curtis.songer@gmail.com for a free consultation. If you receive value from these blogs, please consider donating to keep this blog site up and running. This ministry cannot continue without the generous donations of its readers. Just click on the "Donate" button in the upper right. For more info on help I can provide check out http://truthatlife.com/ or email me at curtis.songer@gmail.com