Welcome to the Truth@Life Blog Site by Curtis Songer


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There are 5 threads of thought in this blog site:
1. Church Stuff - things pertaining to the evangelical Christian Church of today
2. Leadership Corner - concepts on management & leadership
3. Two Becoming One - principles of marriage enrichment
4. Train Up a Child - principles of parenting
5. Personal Thoughts - my mental ramblings on how God is growing me

I highly recommend you find an entry on one of these topics that interests you and click on that label at the end of that entry. It will bring up all the entries on that particular category. And be sure to check out the great web site links in the lower right corner of this page - Enjoy!

Sunday, September 29, 2013

Check Out the Following Interview With me by Noomii

Check out the following interview with me by Noomii: http://www.noomii.com/users/curtis-songer

Leadership Lessons from Foolish Father Coaches

I cherish so much about our children. Through my many years of parenting, this is what I realized that I treasured the most: each relationship. Oh, I admit it's nice when they scored points in a basketball game, excelled at a swim meet, or gracefully performed a ballet dance routine. I'm pleased when their grades revealed above-average scores, or when I observed the effort put into a home project. And of course it's flattering when people comment how nice they looked or how respectful they were. But what really tripped my trigger and renewed my parental energy - after returning from a business trip, or attending a swim meet, playing taxi driver, or setting curfew - was a loving smile, a hug, a high five, and the four cherished words: "I love you, Dad." I became keenly aware how my actions, words, tone of voice, or nonverbals affected the loving, caring, and mutually respectful relationship we enjoyed as a family. As a father, I failed at times to uphold my end of the responsibility. There were situations when I crushed my children's spirits. This was illustrated frequently while my kids were playing on the flag football teams I coached. It didn't take long for me to realize that the definition of a father-coach is someone who expects his kids to be everything he wasn't. I upheld high and sometimes unrealistic expectations. I even found it easy to justify my demands by attempting to motivate them to be the best they could be. However, more than once I overstepped my parental privileges. After blowing up at them for less than perfect play, the joy of winning would drain from their faces. They stood motionless and speechless as Dad continued to drain the power from their self-esteem batteries. I knew I'd blown it, but I continued to justify my outburst and dig myself into a deeper hole. Occasionally, realizing what a fool I had been, I would later look into their fearful and discouraged faces and say, “I was wrong, I'm sorry for blowing up at you. You worked hard in that game and I failed to recognize you for all the good things you did. Please forgive me." Their response would touch my heart, and my eyes would fill with tears. "It's okay, Dad. We know you love us." The only way to heal a damaged spirit is to swallow the parental pride and say, "I'm sorry. I was wrong. Please forgive me." Failure to bring healing when you've been unfair or hurtful can breed anger for years to come. Effective leadership is based on healthy relationships. When was the last time you told your child or anyone else you lead, "I'm sorry for anything I have ever said or done that has hurt you?" Truth@Life can help. Call 248-396-6255 or email me at curtis.songer@gmail.com for a FREE consultation. For more info on help I can provide check out http://truthatlife.com/

Leadership Lessons from Wolves

The attitude of the wolf can be summed up simply: it is a constant visualization of success. The collective wisdom of wolves has been progressively programmed into their genetic makeup throughout the centuries. Wolves have mastered the technique of focusing their energies toward the activities that will lead to the accomplishment of their goals. Wolves do not aimlessly run around their intended victims, yipping and yapping. They have a strategic plan and execute it through constant communication. When the moment of truth arrives, each understands his role and understands exactly what the pack expects of him. The wolf does not depend on luck. The cohesion, teamwork and training of the pack determines whether the pack lives or dies. There is a silly maxim in some organizations that everyone, to be a valuable member, must aspire to be the leader. This is personified by the misguided CEO who says he only hires people who say they want to take his job. Evidently this is supposed to ensure that the person has ambition, courage, spunk, honesty, drive—whatever. In reality, it is simply a contrived situation, with the interviewee jumping through the boss's hoops. It sends warnings of competition and one-upmanship throughout the organization rather than signals of cooperation, teamwork and loyalty. Everyone does not strive to be the leader in the wolf pack. Some are consummate hunters or caregivers or jokesters, but each seems to gravitate to the role he does best. This is not to say there are not challenges to authority, position and status—there are. But each wolf's role begins emerging from playtime as a pup and refines itself through the rest of its years. The wolf's attitude is always based upon the question, "What is best for the pack?" This is in marked contrast to us humans, who will often sabotage our organizations, families or businesses, if we do not get what we want. Wolves are seldom truly threatened by other animals. By constantly engaging their senses and skills, they are practically unassailable. They are masters of planning for the moment of opportunity to present itself, and when it does, they are ready to act. Because of training, preparation, planning, communication and a preference for action, the wolf's expectation is always to be victorious. While in actuality this is true only 10 percent of the time or less, the wolf's attitude is always that success will come—and it does. Would you like to learn more about excellent leadership? Truth@Life can help. Call 248-396-6255 or email me at curtis.songer@gmail.com for a FREE consultation. For more info on help I can provide check out http://truthatlife.com/

Friday, September 27, 2013

What Would You Do If You Knew the Date of Your Death?

What would you do if you knew the date of Your death? “Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything - all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important.” – Steve Jobs. Abraham Lincoln once said, "The best thing about the future is that it comes only one day at a time." Would you do things differently if you knew you’ll be dead soon? Would you choose different career or different relationship? Would you stop procrastinating on things? Questions like these help to bring our lives into razor sharp focus. Would you like to learn how to better set priorities, manage your time, and achieve your goals? Truth@Life can help. Call 248-396-6255 or email me at curtis.songer@gmail.com for a FREE consultation. For more info on help I can provide check out http://truthatlife.com/

Thursday, September 26, 2013

The Pebble in Your Shoe

Everyone has had a pebble in his or her shoe. You may have one or two now. It's the small, nagging thoughts that eventually weigh you down. Some pebbles have been hidden, undetected for years. Others push, prod, and make their presence felt every day. Each pebble intrudes into the lives of the unsuspecting. At different times in life the pebbles arrive. Although they are small and mostly undetected, they represent many unresolved thoughts, images and experiences. Some are pebbles of doubt. They form from a single thought that occurred years, months or weeks before. Some pebbles are lodged only in your business shoes. Some reside in your house slippers that you tuck under your bed. Some pebbles find their way into your golf shoes while others form in the shoes worn while you parent. Unfortunately, some pebbles travel in all your shoes regardless of where you walk or run. Some pebbles are of fear. Others are created from guilt, rejection or shame. Maybe not today, but they eventually arrive unannounced and usually at the most inappropriate time. What challenges do they present? To run the marathon race of life at your most efficient speed, you must be free of embarrassment, guilt, rejection, fear, envy, jealousy, anger, impatience, frustration and worry. All can be lodged in any shoe, from a pair of loafers worn by a city dweller in Manhattan, to a pair of boots on a farm in Montana. These intangible pebbles are crippling. They destroy relationships. They contribute to overeating and gaining unhealthy weight. They coax us into drugs, alcohol and other addictions. They destroy families and alienate friends. They thwart the potential of our children and physically snuff extra years from our life. These are the pebbles in the shoe. The pebble can cause you to quit or perform with complete indifference. It can help instigate a fight or add disrespectful silence to an otherwise dynamic relationship. Even the desire for fame, fortune or power can turn into a pebble in your shoe if left undetected. Most pebbles stir up the past, cloud the future and keep the present to a blink of the eye. Like a garden that's been freshly tilled, a pebble can reappear without warning or detection. Prevention and removal are your only options for simplicity, balance and abundance. Would you like to learn how to clear your mind of indecision, uncertainty, confusion and fear? Truth@Life can help. Call 248-396-6255 or email me at curtis.songer@gmail.com for a FREE consultation. For more info on help I can provide check out http://truthatlife.com/

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Decisions Can Be Stressful, Stress Can Be a Decision

Several years ago while listening to my pastor give a Sunday sermon, he spoke about how life is made up of a series of choices. It made me realize that my hectic professional and personal life was of my choosing. Therefore, a life of stress had become my choice. Many of us hurry through life going from one place to the next, focused on conquering the next mountain, making the next deal, running the next errand, and believing we will never have enough time to do all the things we need to get done. Yet, there is all the time in the world if we just realize that we are the creators of this life we choose to live. That's right. Life is a series of choices and being free from stress is one of those choices. Whether your business life is overly complicated or your personal life (or both), you have chosen this current system of chaos. The world is a tantalizing swirl of getting the next "fix," tempting us to fit more and more things, people and processes into our lives, personally and professionally. And because we are so busy being busy, it's easy to be lured into the fray, with our lengthy to-do lists. Yet, the greatest achievements have often come from the simplest of ideas and in the simplest forms. To experience a simplified life, we first have to learn to slow down long enough to see through all the clutter. We need to realize that we are powerful magnets that attracted this life to ourselves—no matter what—good or bad. Is there too much stress in your life? Truth@Life can help. Call 248-396-6255 or email me at curtis.songer@gmail.com for a FREE consultation. For more info on help I can provide check out http://truthatlife.com/

Saturday, September 21, 2013

Laugh at Yourself - A Road to Health

A few years ago a health study determined there are 3 main reasons people can't cope in life: 1. They live in the past. 2. They have a low self-esteem. 3. They can't laugh at themselves. In fact, the study indicated that we need approximately 12 laughs a day to stay healthy! I heard a story not long ago about a guy who sent flowers to his friend who was opening a new restaurant. When he arrived at the grand opening, he looked for his flowers. Well, when he found them, he saw that he had sent a white wreath that said, "May you rest in peace." He panicked, of course, and called the florist who said, "Bob, I'm not worried about you because as we speak, there's a guy being buried who got a dozen roses that said, "Good luck in your new location!" Ah yes...life throws us curve balls when we least expect it! And sometimes, just to stay sane, we need to sit back and laugh! Is there enough laughter in your life? Truth@Life can help. Call 248-396-6255 or email me at curtis.songer@gmail.com for a FREE consultation. If you receive value from these blogs, please consider donating to keep this blog site up and running. This ministry cannot continue without the generous donations of its readers. Just click on the "Donate" button in the upper right. For more info on help I can provide check out http://truthatlife.com/

Friday, September 20, 2013

A Leader's Voice

Before exploring the art of communicating to and teaching larger groups, we must assess whether our toolbox includes what is needed for these intimate, frequent, daily interactions ... Communicating effectively is not optional for a leader—​it is absolutely essential. Not all leaders will be required to speak in front of large groups, but all leaders are engaging in the fine art of communication all the time, in every encounter, both verbally and non-verbally. We neglect developing communication skills to our peril. Every connection with someone on our team is an opportunity for influence, vision clarification, reinforcement of values, or simply a chance to encourage, inspire, or correct. A leader’s voice emerges in the accumulation of these smaller moments, and we must commit ourselves to discovering and developing that unique voice. What does your "leader's voice" sound like? What message(s) are you communicating? Truth@Life can help. Call 248-396-6255 or email me at curtis.songer@gmail.com for a free consultation. If you receive value from these blogs, please consider donating to keep this blog site up and running. This ministry cannot continue without the generous donations of its readers. Just click on the "Donate" button in the upper right. For more info on help I can provide check out http://truthatlife.com/

Thursday, September 12, 2013

The Fences of Your Mind

I've watched the movie Chicken Run at least a half-dozen times. Just beneath the surface of its simplistic look and story line lie a number of wonderful messages told through the eyes of a bunch of Claymation chickens trying to break out of their chicken-wire world to escape their fate at the chopping block. Their freedom leader, a feisty little hen named Ginger, comments profoundly in one scene: "the fences are all in your mind." She reminds her fellow chickens (and us), that a bigger obstacle than the physical fences they're surrounded by are the mental fences that hold them captive. It's been a good reminder for me on those occasions when I've been dealing with my own mental fences...those created by self-doubt, uncertainty, fear. Can you relate? Where have you fenced yourself in mentally in recent days or weeks? Perhaps your mental fence is procrastination, a deadening habit that keeps you stuck. Maybe yours, like mine, is related to self-doubt, and the on-going internal noise it produces that keeps you immobilized. Perhaps yours is the belief that you don't deserve success, so you sabotage yourself to avoid having to find out how successful you could be. There are a million variations of the theme, but the result is still the same: we stay stuck like the chickens in the movie. A key question to ask yourself is: "How do I limit myself and how can I stop?" Those limitations are never external. They always live inside us. The antidote to being trapped by our mental fences is to create a compelling enough vision that, like Ginger and her flock of chicken friends, we're willing to resort to amazing measures to break out. I challenge you to take some bold, even outrageous steps to break free of your mental fences. If it's procrastination, declare a "freedom day" and take action on everything you've been putting off: from cleaning your office to making phone calls or responding to emails you've avoided. If it's self-doubt, sit down and write out everything you value and why it's important. Then challenge yourself to eliminate anything that doesn't absolutely reflect your values, or add something that is a profound statement of who you are. Recognize that your mental fences can only keep you stuck as long as you're looking at them. They can only contain you as long as you're not taking actions consistent with your vision. Go ahead, take the action you've avoided and leap into a future filled with possibilities. And remember, the fences are all in your mind! Do you have fences in your mind? Truth@Life can assist you in overcoming these fences and making a lasting change in your life. Call 248-396-6255 or email me at curtis.songer@gmail.com for a FREE 1-hour consultation!

Monday, September 9, 2013

What Do You Really Believe In?

What are your core values? These help you to identify what you stand for. These are meant to be non-negotiables in your life. If an employer violated these (core values), you’d quit. They guide your world-view and help to shape your decisions. They help to spell out who you are. They follow you wherever you go and determine how you go about accomplishing your life’s work, your mission statement. Some examples of common core values are: Honesty & integrity, Teamwork/collaboration, Being others-focused, Kind, Patient, Lifelong learning, Continual improvement, Disciplined, Pursuit of excellence, Never complacent, Never satisfied, Increasing value in whatever you do, Simplicity, Faithful, Loyal, Committed, Forgiving, Respectful, Trustworthy, Generous, Humble, Joyful, Persevering, Loving, Peaceful, Content, Wise / Discerning, and Hopeful / Optimistic. People inherently use their core values to assist them in making good decisions. One can make decisions faster and more consistently if they base their decisions on their core values. They can also communicate their decisions more effectively so that others understand them when the decision is based on a known core value. The clearer you are on what you stand for, the easier it will be for you to make good decision. On the other hand, when we act in such a way that violates one of our core values, or when we make a decision that violates our core values, we inevitable regret it. Without exception regrets in life can be traced to the violation of that person's core values. Many of us have difficulty forgiving ourselves and we don't know why. It's because we violated one of our core values. When we think about it, we can't believe we could have ever done that. So what are your core values? Do you have regrets in life? Truth@Life can assist you in identifying and living by your core values. Truth@Life can help. Call 248-396-6255 or email me at curtis.songer@gmail.com for a free consultation. If you receive value from these blogs, please consider donating to keep this blog site up and running. This ministry cannot continue without the generous donations of its readers. Just click on the "Donate" button in the upper right. For more info on help I can provide check out http://truthatlife.com/

Thursday, September 5, 2013

Take the First Step

All successful people are faithful in the small things. There is power in taking small steps. Many people are not moving forward today simply because they were not willing to take the small step placed before them. If you have a dream to go into any particular area, you should leap at the opportunity—no matter how small—to move in the direction of your dream. For example: if you dream of being a college basketball coach and are sitting at home waiting for an invitation from the University of Louisville, you should know that call will never come. You need to find an opportunity to coach somewhere, anywhere. Find a young person, a young team. Jump in and coach with all of your heart, like you would if you were coaching at the highest level. Grow where you are planted. Don't be afraid to take small steps. There's something powerful about momentum...no matter how small. Many times the impossible is simply the untried. I can remember a time in my life when I was immobilized with fear, consumed with what I was supposed to do. It seemed so huge a task; I was unable to bring myself to face it. A friend came to me and spoke two words that broke that paralysis in my life. He said, "Do something!" I'll never forget that day...taking some small, seemingly insignificant steps. Momentum began to come into my life. If you are at a point of paralysis in your life because of what you feel you're supposed to do, the words today are, "Do something!" Don't worry about the long-term goal right now; just take the steps that take you past the starting point. Soon you'll get to a point of no return. As you climb higher, you'll be able to see much farther. As you begin, don't be afraid. It has been said, "Fear of becoming a 'has-been' keeps some people from becoming anything." Every great idea is impossible from where you are starting today. But little goals add up, and they add up rapidly. Most people don't succeed because they are too afraid to even try. As incredible as it sounds, they decide in advance they're going to fail. Many times the final goal seems so unreachable we don't even make an effort. But once you've made your decision and have started, it's like you're halfway there. Start - no matter what your circumstances. Take that first step! Would you like to learn more about achieving true work/life balance? Truth@Life can help. Call 248-396-6255 or email me at curtis.songer@gmail.com for a free consultation. If you receive value from these blogs, please consider donating to keep this blog site up and running. This ministry cannot continue without the generous donations of its readers. Just click on the "Donate" button in the upper right. For more info on help I can provide check out http://truthatlife.com/

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Is Work/Life Balance Possible?

Some people talk about achieving “balance” in life. But “harmony” is a better metaphor than balance. I can never expect to live a balanced life, but I can expect to live a harmonious life, in which the ends are held in tension or harnessed, not leveled out ... We all face different situations, different variables. One person’s solution may not work for the next person. We can’t just “balance” life by deciding how much time or energy we must devote to certain parts of our lives. We must regularly ask ourselves the question, “How much is enough?” We need periods of rest now more than ever. It is in the quiet times that our minds and souls recharge and rejuvenate. When “nothing” is happening, something is happening ... When water is still, it becomes clear. So, too, the mind and soul. Would you like to learn more about achieving true work/life balance? Truth@Life can help. Call 248-396-6255 or email me at curtis.songer@gmail.com for a free consultation. If you receive value from these blogs, please consider donating to keep this blog site up and running. This ministry cannot continue without the generous donations of its readers. Just click on the "Donate" button in the upper right. For more info on help I can provide check out http://truthatlife.com/