Welcome to the Truth@Life Blog Site by Curtis Songer


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There are 5 threads of thought in this blog site:
1. Church Stuff - things pertaining to the evangelical Christian Church of today
2. Leadership Corner - concepts on management & leadership
3. Two Becoming One - principles of marriage enrichment
4. Train Up a Child - principles of parenting
5. Personal Thoughts - my mental ramblings on how God is growing me

I highly recommend you find an entry on one of these topics that interests you and click on that label at the end of that entry. It will bring up all the entries on that particular category. And be sure to check out the great web site links in the lower right corner of this page - Enjoy!

Sunday, March 30, 2014

Don’t Avoid Inevitable Interactions

Let’s pretend that you and "Sally" both work in the same Shipping & Receiving Department. She frequently gets under your skin. If you could press a button to ship her to another department, it would have been done five years ago. The problem is, no such button exists, and there’s no chance of change. To add fuel to the fire, your boss has just given you and Sally a large project to work on together. She suggests meeting for lunch to talk about the next steps, and you generate a fast list of reasons why you can’t make it. You have officially brushed Sally off. Now what? Unfortunately, you’re still at square one (that’s what), and you still have the project and have to figure out how to work together. This is when relationship management skills are absolutely necessary, because though you might not choose a friendship with this person, you and Sally are now responsible for the same project. Here’s a basic strategy for work with Sally: 1. Do not avoid her or the situation. Accept it and make the choice to use your EQ skills to move forward with her. 2. You’ll need to watch your emotions and make careful decisions about how to manage those emotions. Since you’re not in this alone, conjure up your social awareness skills to being Sally into the fold and put yourself in her shoes. 3. Meet with her to learn about what experience she has to offer and her preferences for working with you on this project. Observe her body language and see how she responds to you. Maybe you frustrate her just as much! This may hurt a little, but you may actually lay the groundwork for a working relationship. 4. Share your preferences for managing the project and come to an agreement. You don’t need to tell Sally that you don’t care for her. Instead, you can share with her that you’d prefer to work independently on separate parts of the project and meet along the way to ensure you’re both on track. 5. If Sally agrees, your work process has been hammered out. If she doesn’t agree, it’s time to apply more self-management and social awareness skills until you reach an agreement. 6. If you get frustrated along the way (and chances are you will), ask yourself why and decide how to manage yourself. Loop back with Sally at your next meeting and remind yourselves of the goals of the project. At the end of the project, find a way to acknowledge what you both accomplished together. Do you have difficulty working with some people? Truth@Life can help. Call 248-396-6255 or email me at curtis.songer@gmail.com for a FREE consultation. For more info on help I can provide check out http://truthatlife.com/

Use Your Anger

Greek philosopher Aristotle once said, “Anyone can become angry – that’s easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way, this is not easy.” This is an enduring insight into managing our emotions and relationships. If you can master this one, you are well on the way to a successful emotional intelligence journey. Anger is an emotion that exists for a reason; anger is not an emotion to bottle-up or ignore. If you manage it properly and use it purposefully, you can get results that engage your relationships. Think of the football coach who gets straight to the point at halftime. His stern feedback grabs his players’ attention and focuses them for the second half. The team returns refreshed, refocused and ready to win. In this case, the coach managed his emotions to motivate others to action. Expressing anger in appropriate ways communicates your strong feelings and reminds people of the gravity if a situation. Expressing anger too much or at the wrong times desensitizes people to what you are feeling, making it hard for others to take you seriously. Using a strong emotion like anger to benefit your relationships will take time to master, because hopefully you don’t have daily opportunities to practice! There is a lot of behind-the-scenes preparation for this strategy, starting with becoming aware of your anger and what triggers it. Use your self-awareness skills to think about and define your varying degrees of anger – from what annoys you a little to what enrages you and sends you off the deep end. Write these down and choose words that are specific. Then write examples to explain when you feel this way. Determine when you should show your anger based on the criterion that if it’s shared it will improve the relationship somehow. To make your choices, use your social awareness skills to think about the other people involved and their responses. Remember that relationship management is about making choices and acting with the goal of creating an honest, deep connection with others. To do this, you need to be honest with others and with yourself, which sometimes means using anger with a purpose. Do you want to improve the way you manage your emotions and the appropriate use of anger? Truth@Life can help. Call 248-396-6255 or email me at curtis.songer@gmail.com for a FREE consultation. For more info on help I can provide check out http://truthatlife.com/

Thursday, March 27, 2014

Be Accessible

The “Open Door” policy originated in 1899 when the United States feared it would lose its trading privileges in the East. The United States declared an Open Door policy, allowing all trading nations access to the Chinese market. “Access” was the key word. It’s an important concept that quickly moved from trading policies to the workplace. Today, a true open door policy allows any employee to talk to anyone at any level, fostering upward and downward communication through direct and easy access to everyone. Ask those around you if you should adopt an open door policy to better manage your relationships. If you need to be more accessible and show people they can have unscheduled, informal conversations with you, then adopting this policy might be right for you. Keep in mind that you don’t have to stretch yourself too thin by being there for everyone at any time; you simply have to communicate your version of the policy and then stick to it. Use your self-awareness skills to identify how the policy will work best for you, and manage yourself to make it work. Ongoing observations of others, also known as social awareness, should help you to determine how well it’s working. Remember that increasing your accessibility can only improve your relationships by opening the door to communication, even if it’s virtual (by email or phone). People will feel valued and respected because of the time you’re giving them; and you get the opportunity to learn about others in the process. At the end of the day, the policy is a win-win for everyone. Do you have difficulty maintaining the balance between people having sufficient access to you and you having sufficient privacy to get work done? Truth@Life can help. Call 248-396-6255 or email me at curtis.songer@gmail.com for a FREE consultation. For more info on help I can provide check out http://truthatlife.com/

Embrace Feedback

Feedback should be viewed as a unique gift. It can improve us in ways that we perhaps cannot see on our own. Since you never know exactly what you are going to receive, sometimes feedback can be quite surprising. The element of surprise can catch us off guard, so we need to use out self-awareness and self-management skills to prepare ourselves for that moment. Ask yourself, “What do I feel when I am on the spot and surprised? How do I show it? What is the appropriate response? What is my usual response? How can I better control my response? What response should I choose?” In order to receive feedback well, try the following process: 1. Consider the source of your feedback. This person probably has a relevant perspective – he or she knows you and has seen your performance and has an interest in seeing you improve. 2. As you receive the feedback, turn on your social awareness skills to listen and really hear what is being said. Ask clarifying questions and ask for examples to better understand the person’s perspective. Whether you agree with what is being said or not, thank the person for his/her willingness to share, because it takes almost as much grace to give feedback as it does to receive it. For most people, receiving the feedback is probably the hardest part of the process. 3. After receiving the feedback, use your self-management skills to decide your next steps; don’t feel pressured to rush into action. Time can help you absorb the underlying point, sort out your feelings and thoughts, and help you decide what to do about the feedback. 4. Once you decide what to do with the feedback, follow up with plans. Actually making adjustments will show the person who gave you the feedback that you value his/her comments. Whenever appropriate, take the person’s feedback seriously and try whatever he/she suggested. There may be no better way to solidify your relationship with him/her. Finding it difficult to develop the type of attitude that embrace feedback? Truth@Life can help. Call 248-396-6255 or email me at curtis.songer@gmail.com for a FREE consultation. For more info on help I can provide check out http://truthatlife.com/

Thursday, March 20, 2014

Why Leadership Development Programs Fail

For years, organizations have spent time, effort, and money on improving the capabilities of managers and on nurturing new leaders. US companies alone spend almost $14 billion annually on leadership development. Colleges and universities offer hundreds of degree courses on leadership, and the cost of customized leadership-development offerings from a top business school can reach $150,000 a person. Moreover, when upward of 500 executives were asked to rank their top three human-capital priorities, leadership development was included as both a current and a future priority. Almost two-thirds of the respondents identified leadership development as their number-one concern. Only 7 percent of senior managers polled think that their companies develop global leaders effectively, and around 30 percent admit that they have failed to exploit their international business opportunities fully because they lack enough leaders with the right capabilities. The survey identified four of the most common mistakes and some tips to overcome them. The four most common mistakes include: 1. Overlooking context – while one leadership style works well in one situation it often does not work well in another; 2. Decoupling reflection from real work - the ability to push training participants to reflect while also giving them real work experiences to apply new approaches and to hone their skills; 3. Underestimating mindsets - organizations are reluctant to address the root causes of why leaders act the way they do yet if there isn’t a significant degree of discomfort the chances are that the behavior won’t change; and 4. The Failure to measure results - companies pay lip service to the importance of developing leadership skills but have no evidence to quantify the value of their investment and therefore they increase the odds that leadership development programs won’t be taken seriously. Together, these four mistakes suggest ways for companies to get more from their leadership-development efforts - and ultimately their leaders - as these organizations face challenges ranging from the next demanding phase of globalization to disruptive technological change and continued macroeconomic uncertainty. Companies can avoid these mistakes in leadership development and increase the odds of success by matching specific leadership skills and traits to the context at hand; embedding leadership development in real work; fearlessly investigating the mind-sets that underpin behavior; and monitoring the impact so as to make improvements over time. Need help with your leadership development program? Truth@Life can help. Call 248-396-6255 or email me at curtis.songer@gmail.com for a FREE consultation. For more info on help I can provide check out http://truthatlife.com/

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Soar Like an Eagle or Quack Like a Duck

No one can make you serve customers well. That's because great service is a choice. A story is told about a customer who was waiting in line for a ride at the airport. When a cab pulled up, the first thing the customer noticed was that the taxi was polished to a bright shine. Smartly dressed in a white shirt, black tie, and freshly pressed black slacks, the cab driver jumped out and rounded the car to open the back passenger door for the customer. He handed the customer a laminated card and said: "I'm Wally, your driver. While I'm loading your bags in the trunk, I'd like you to read my mission statement." Taken aback, the customer read the card. It said: Wally's Mission Statement: To get my customers to their destination in the quickest, safest, and cheapest way possible in a friendly environment. This blew the customer away. Especially when he noticed that the inside of the cab matched the outside. Spotlessly clean! As he slid behind the wheel, Wally said, "Would you like a cup of coffee? I have a thermos of regular and one of decaf." The customer said jokingly, "No, I'd prefer a soft drink." Wally smiled and said, "No problem. I have a cooler up front with regular and Diet Coke, water and orange juice." Almost stuttering, the customer said, "I'll take a Diet Coke." Handing him his drink, Wally said, "If you'd like something to read, I have The Wall Street Journal, Time, Sports Illustrated and USA Today." As they were pulling away, Wally handed the customer another laminated card. "These are the stations I get and the music they play, if you'd like to listen to the radio." As if that weren't enough, Wally told the customer that he had the air conditioning on and asked if the temperature was comfortable for him. Then he advised the customer of the best route to his destination for that time of the day. He also let him know that he'd be happy to chat and tell him about some of the sights, or, if the customer preferred, to leave him with his own thoughts. "Tell me, Wally," the amazed customer asked the driver, "have you always served customers like this?" Wally smiled into the rear view mirror. "No, not always. In fact, it's only been in the last two years. My first five years driving, I spent most of my time complaining like all the rest of the cabbies do. Then I heard a personal growth guru on the radio one day. He said that if you get up in the morning expecting to have a bad day, you'll rarely disappoint yourself. He said, 'Stop complaining! Differentiate yourself from your competition. Don't be a duck. Be an eagle. Ducks quack and complain. Eagles soar above the crowd.' "That hit me right between the eyes," said Wally. "He was really talking about me. I was always quacking and complaining, so I decided to change my attitude and become an eagle. I looked around at the other cabs and their drivers. The cabs were dirty, the drivers were unfriendly, and the customers were unhappy. So I decided to make some changes. I put in a few at a time. When my customers responded well, I did more." "I take it this has paid off for you," the customer said. "It sure has," Wally replied. "My first year as an eagle, I doubled my income from the previous year. This year I'll probably quadruple it. You were lucky to get me today. I don't sit at cabstands anymore. My customers call me for appointments on my cell phone or leave a message on my answering machine. If I can't pick them up myself, I get a reliable cabby friend to do it and I take a piece of the action." Wally was phenomenal. He was running a limo service out of a Yellow Cab. That story has been told countless times over the years, and only two other cabbies ever took the idea and ran with it. The rest of the drivers quacked like ducks and and gave excuses for all the reasons they couldn't do any these things. Wally the Cab Driver made a different choice. He decided to stop quacking like ducks and start soaring like eagles. How about you? Do you need to change your attitude and business practices in order to grow your business? Truth@Life can help. Call 248-396-6255 or email me at curtis.songer@gmail.com for a FREE consultation. For more info on help I can provide check out http://truthatlife.com/

Sunday, March 9, 2014

Why is the Bible Important?

For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. (Hebrews 4:12 NIV) The Word of God is alive and active. It will cut to the core of issues in your life. It will transform your life. Unfortunately, it is a book we all ignore too often. In part, because not is so readily available, we tend to neglect it and/or make it a low priority. I delight in your decrees; I will not neglect your word. (Psalm 119:16 NIV) We are commanded to not lay aside, not neglect, the Word of God. Unfortunately, we have forgotten how important this book really is! The Torah was written in about 4000 BC. The entire Bible was complete in 393 AD. “Every word of God is flawless; he is a shield to those who take refuge in him. Do not add to his words, or he will rebuke you and prove you a liar. (Proverbs 30:5, 6 NIV) The dark ages of biblical ignorance reigned from 400-1400 AD. During this time, the church forbid Bibles to be read by the common man. To insure that they were not, all Bible were printed only in Latin. If you violated the law, you were declared and heretic and executed! Even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. (Psalm 139:12 NIV) The reformation gained strength in about 1300 AD as John Wycliffe began denouncing the practices of the church and publishing Bibles. He was considered a heretic, yet he spread the Word of God. The precepts of the Lord are right, giving joy to the heart. The commands of the Lord are radiant, giving light to the eyes. They are more precious than gold, than much pure gold; they are sweeter than honey, than honey from the honeycomb. (Psalm 19:8, 10 NIV) In the next 100 years, Martin Luther began the reformation. He translated the Bible into German and used the printing press to mass produce Bibles! He was declared a heretic. People began risking their lives to hear the Bible in their own language, Your word, Lord, is eternal; it stands firm in the heavens. (Psalm 119:89 NIV) The Bible was then translated into English by Tyndale. Also declared and heretic, he ran for his life for 11 years! Three years after Tyndale was burned at the stake, the King of England allowed, and even funded, mass production and distribution of Bibles. Love letters are very important to the recipient. They are read over and over again. Every word is treasured. Some are memorized. We live the one who loves us enough to send it. The Bible is God's love letter to you. It is alive, it is active, and it can cut to the core of your heart. It is the very Word of our Sovereign God. Do you "have time" to read it everyday this week and to not neglect it? Truth@Life can help. Call 248-396-6255 or email me at curtis.songer@gmail.com for a FREE consultation. For more info on help I can provide check out http://truthatlife.com/

Sunday, March 2, 2014

Your Attitude Determines Your Altitude

The swimmer Michael Phelps is the most decorated Olympian of all time. He's won 22 medals of which 18 have been gold medals. Phelps says that his ability to perform under pressure is one of the key factors behind his success. From the age of 8, his coach Bob Bowman trained him to have a gold medal attitude, whatever the circumstances. Bowman introduced Phelps to the formula: E + R = O (Event + Response = Outcome) No matter what happens in your life (E), you can change your response (R) to that event until you get the outcome (O) you want. Bowman would intentionally make life difficult for Phelps by, rearranging training times at the last minute, cancelling the transport which took him home, hiding his water bottle so that he would have to swim thirsty, and treading on Phelps' swimming goggles before a race so that he would have to swim without them. Bowman wanted to see what impact these events (E) had on Phelps attitude by monitoring his response (R). Initially, the young Phelps would get frustrated, angry and feel like giving up, but when anything negative happened Bowman would get Phelps to ask himself the W.I.N. question: What's Important Now? Just after he dove into the water in the final of the 200 meters butterfly at the 2008 Olympic Games, Phelps' goggles began to leak, which meant that his vision was completely blurred. At this moment, Phelps asked himself the W.I.N. question. He realised that the only thing he could control now was his reaction. Although the turns at the end of each length became a bit tricky, Phelps won the race in a world record time. After the race, Phelps was asked how the water in his goggles had hindered him. Phelps replied, "The fact that I couldn't see allowed me to focus even more on my stroke, rather than on what the other guys were doing." In the words of Bob Bowman, "Your attitude will determine your altitude and how high you will fly in life." Do you need assistance overcoming attitudinal issues in yourself or others close to you? Are these attitudinal issues holding you back? Truth@Life can help. Call 248-396-6255 or email me at curtis.songer@gmail.com for a FREE consultation. For more info on help I can provide check out http://truthatlife.com/