Peer Pressure At My Age?

The fear of man brings a snare, but he who trusts in the LORD will be exalted.
Proverbs 29:25

I used to think peer pressure only showed up in parenting books and situations facing teenagers. I thought it was something you outgrew. But I remember sitting in a business meeting one time with a roomful of Christian leaders and being asked to vote on a particular issue. The man seated next to me - a very outspoken individual - held a strong opinion that was different from mine and several others in the room who I knew well. And during the debate that ensued, I chose to keep silent about my convictions.

Finally, we were asked to stand up to indicate a yes vote on the measure. My friend stood quickly to his feet. He wasn't the only one. Many others were rising in support. I can still feel the rumblings that clashed inside me. Even though I'm against this, I thought, how can I stay seated when one of my best friends is standing - when this whole place appears to be standing?

One of my dear friends, with deep-seated convictions to the contrary then did what every preadolescent and teenager is tempted to do: he caved in, and stood up. Now he could clearly see two who remained seated, our other friend and me, opposing the motion. Just two. It took great courage and convictions to remain seated.

Peer pressure. It happens, not just in school locker rooms and hallways, but around the lunch table with work associates, in the homes of people who are more affluent, during adult conversations when you don't want to admit who you really are or what you truly believe. The fear of being different or disagreeable doesn't leave you when you reach adulthood. It changes clothes but keeps the same skeleton.

What I needed that day was integrity; the character to vote for what we knew was right. How about you? Are you facing some decision right now that is being influenced by peer pressure?

Please comment here or email me at curtis.songer@gmail.com

Our Unmet Needs

“And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 4:19

God promised to supply all your needs, and yet sometimes fulfillment is slow in coming. What could be the problem? Perhaps you are. When our Father fails to meet our expectations, we generally look outside ourselves for the reasons. But while the Lord's love is unconditional, many of His promises are not.

For example, Philippians 4:19 is a "family promise"—it can be claimed only by those who rightly call the sovereign of the universe "my Father." His unlimited resources are not available to men and women who reject salvation through Jesus Christ. Moreover, when we look at the whole framework of Scripture, we see that the Lord makes our obedience a condition for His fulfilling needs (Ps. 81:10-12). He will not condone sin by blessing us while we rebel against Him.

Think of yourself as part of an army at war, which is what you are, in a spiritual sense. A top military priority is to keep the supply line open—victory is impossible if the soldiers are weaponless, cold, and starving. Our willful disobedience allows Satan to cut our supply line from the Lord. Restoring that connection is a matter of repentance. Those who walk in God's way are protected, provided for, and satisfied (Ps. 81:13-16).

Taking a promise out of its biblical context is dangerous. And expecting God to keep a conditional pledge when we aren't meeting its requirements is even more unwise. The Lord keeps His word but rightfully expects us to do our part. Thankfully, His yoke is light—to love, honor, and obey Him.

Trust God to provide. James opens his letter with a strong warning that those who doubt the Lord can expect nothing from Him (1:6-7). God's trustworthiness is clear in Scripture and in believers' lives, but our wavering confidence undermines His work.

Wait upon His timing (1 Sam. 13:9-13). King Saul took over the prophet Samuel's duty and made a pre-battle sacrifice to God. Like so many people who manipulate circumstances and timing, Saul was dissatisfied with the results. He won the war but lost not only God's favor but also his kingdom. No one gets what he really wants by supplying his own need.

Accept responsibility (Prov. 19:15, 20:4). God does not open a door to opportunity while we're lying on the couch. We have to be on the lookout. If we need a job, we should be out making applications. If we want to know the Father's direction for a hard situation, we need to be seeking Him regularly through prayer and His Word. The Lord goes before us to soften hearts, but we must do our share.

God knows our needs, and He has committed Himself to meeting every one. But He does not make promises in a vacuum. We have a responsibility to trust Him, be patient, and do our part. Then we leave it to the Lord to move heaven and earth to give us what we require.

Please comment here or email me directly at curtis.songer@gmail.com

God's Purposes for Marriage

continued from yesterday...

Purpose One: Mirror God’s image. After God created the earth and the animals, He said, “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; and let them rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over the cattle and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.” The account continues, “God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them” (Genesis 1:26-27).

God’s first purpose for creating man and woman and joining them in marriage was to mirror His image on planet earth. Center your attention on those words, mirror His image. The Hebrew word for “mirror” means to reflect God, to magnify, exalt, and glorify Him. Your marriage should reflect God’s image to a world that desperately needs to see who He is. Because we’re created in the image of God, people who wouldn’t otherwise know what God is like should be able to look at us and get a glimpse.

Purpose Two: Complete each other and experience companionship. Scripture clearly outlines a second purpose for marriage: to mutually complete each other. That’s why God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him” (Genesis 2:18).

Adam felt isolated in the Garden, and so God created woman to eliminate his aloneness. Writing to the first-century church in Corinth, Paul echoed the teachings in Genesis 2 when he asserted, “However, in the Lord, neither is woman independent of man, nor is man independent of woman” (1 Corinthians 11:11).

I was convinced that Barbara was “the one,” because I sensed that she could complete me as well as be a wonderful companion. Now, many years later, I really understand how much I need her. The two of us are like a computer and software. Standing alone, the computer and software are impressive, but combined as a team, they can accomplish so much more! And that’s exactly what God had in mind when He performed the first marriage with an original groom and bride named Adam and Eve.

You need each other. You recognize that now. But if you build your marriage according to God’s blueprints, as the years go by, you will really appreciate the genius of how God has custom-made your mate for you.

Purpose Three: Multiply a godly legacy. A line of godly descendants—your children—will carry a reflection of God’s character to the next generation. Your plans for children may still be in the future, but if He gives you a child, you will be in for an amazing adventure.

God’s original plan called for the home to be a sort of greenhouse—a nurturing place where children grow up to learn character, values, and integrity. Too many couples today seem to be raising their children without a sense of mission and direction. They aren’t imparting to them the importance of leaving a spiritual legacy of changed lives. They aren’t evaluating their lives in light of the Great Commission of Matthew 28:18-20, where Christ commands us to preach the gospel to all nations.

One of your assignments is to impart a sense of destiny, a spiritual mission, to your children. Your responsibility as a couple is to make your home a place where your children learn what it means to love and obey God. Your home should be a training center to equip your children to look at the needs of people and the world through the eyes of Jesus Christ. If children do not embrace this spiritual mission as they grow up, they may live their entire lives without experiencing the privilege of God using them in a significant way.

Your marriage is far more important than you may have ever imagined because it affects God’s reputation on this planet. That’s why it’s essential for you to set Jesus Christ apart as the Builder of your home.

Please comment here or email me directly at curtis.songer@gmail.com

Three Purposes for Marriage

While on a business trip, I stopped for a red light early one morning. Waiting at the intersection, I noticed a construction crew already busy renovating an old restaurant. Like ants, the carpenters and other workers were scrambling through the building, and almost every one of them possessed the same thing: blueprints. I saw blueprints carried under arms, rolled out on window ledges, and pointed at excitedly. The light turned green and I sped away, but the scene lingered in my memory, reminding me of a simple truth: You don’t build or renovate a structure without blueprints. Or if you do, how will that building turn out?

Unfortunately, too many couples have not compared notes on their blueprints for marriage. Like those construction workers, every husband and every wife has a set of prints, but I’ve seen too many relationships where his and hers don’t match—their expectations and purposes differ. If you think this might be true in your marriage, how do you get on the same page in your relationship and build your “house” from identical plans?

The only answer I know is to put you in touch with the Architect, the original Designer, the One who has recorded His blueprints for marriage in Scripture. As you journey through marriage together, you want to grow in your love for each other, to experience life fully, and to be truly one. But what seemed so effortless as an engaged couple may now be an elusive dream. That’s why you need to understand God’s blueprints—His purposes for marriage.

These three purposes give your marriage a sense of direction, internal stability, and the stamp of God’s design. They lift your marriage above the everyday, run-of-the-mill relationship and place it on a high and lofty spiritual plane. Come back to this blog later to see the 3 purposes!

Please comment here or email me directly at curtis.songer@gmail.com

Superglue Your Marriage (Part 2)

Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind let each of you regard one another as more important than yourselves.
Philippians 2:3

The 50/50 Plan is destined to fail for several reasons:

First, acceptance is based on performance. Many people unknowingly base their acceptance of their spouses on performance. Performance becomes the glue that holds the relationship together, but it isn't really glue at all. It's more like Velcro. It seems to stick, but it comes apart when a little pressure is applied. What a marriage needs is superglue--but more on that later.

Second, giving is based on merit. With the "meet me halfway" approach, a husband would give affection to his wife only when he felt she had earned it. If she always cooked tasty meals and balanced the checkbook then he would drop her a few crumbs of praise and loving attention. She, in turn, would lavish affection and praise only when he vacuumed the carpet and always arrived home on time.

Third, motivation for action is based on how each partner feels. As a newlywed, it's easy to act sacrificially because the pounding heart and romantic feelings fuel the desire to please. But what happens when those feelings diminish? If you don't feel like doing the right thing, perhaps you won't do it at all. Each spouse has a tendency to focus on the weaknesses of the other. Ask a husband or wife to list his or her spouse's strengths in one column and the weaknesses in another, and the weaknesses will usually outnumber the strengths five to one.

Fourth, the world's plan, the 50/50 performance-based relationship, is destined to fail because it is contrary to God's plan.

What a marriage needs is the superglue of Philippians 2:3: "Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind let each of you regard one another as more important than yourselves." It's what we refer to as the 100/100 Plan, which requires a 100 percent effort from each of you to serve your spouse.

The Bible describes this plan well in Matthew 22:39: "You shall love your neighbor as yourself." There's no closer neighbor than the one you wake up to each morning! And since most of us love ourselves passionately, we are well on the way to implementing the 100/100 Plan if we take a similar approach to loving our spouses.

Start by stating the 100/100 Plan like this: "I will do what I can to love you without demanding an equal amount in return." In marriage you will hear a voice that says, Why are you making the bed this morning when she wouldn't bring you a soft drink last night? Or, Why should I not buy this outfit when he spent fifty dollars last weekend on golf? That voice has to be silenced if you are to live out the 100/100 Plan.

Yes, there will be times when one person appears to get the advantage in the relationship. But love requires sacrifice. Stick with the 100/100 Plan and you will see increasing cooperation and intimacy in your marriage.

Applying grace is critical. Sometimes a couple can make issues out of things that really don't matter. Maybe we had parents who did that as we grew up, but that's not the type of person I want to be or one I'd enjoy living with. Martha and I have learned over the years to let a lot slide; we don't take issue or talk about many minor disappointments.

Marriage is the union of two imperfect people who in their selfishness, sinfulness, and demands of each other will cause disappointment and hurt. You must lay aside those difficulties and hold fast to forgiveness, love, and Christ's command to love even those who don't at times appear to love you. You will never have all of your expectations met in marriage on this fallen planet. But if you concentrate on implementing the 100/100 Plan, your life will be so full of satisfaction that you may not care.

Please comment below or email me directly at curtis.songer@gmail.com

Superglue Your Marriage (Part 1)

Superglue Your Marriage (Part 1)

Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind let each of you regard one another as more important than yourselves.
Philippians 2:3

When two people get married, they have high expectations about their relationship. An unspoken assumption by each one is that the other will "meet me halfway." This is the world's plan for marriage. They called it the 50/50 Plan, which says, "You do your part, and I'll do mine." This concept sounds logical, but couples who use it are destined for disappointment and failure.

A friend of mine tells the following story: We spent the first year and a half of our marriage in Boulder, Colorado, where the winters are cold and electric blankets are standard equipment for survival. I can recall how both of us enjoyed sliding into those toasty-warm sheets after the electric blanket had thawed them. However, we couldn't always remember to turn off all the lights. We would snuggle in, and Barbara would say, "Sweetheart, did you remember to turn off all the lights?"

I would hop out of our comfy bed and run barefoot through the 55-degree apartment, turning off light after light. It didn't happen that often, so I didn't mind until one night when I dropped into bed totally exhausted. Just as I slipped into the third stage of anesthesia, my wife gave me a poke and said, "Sweetheart, aren't you going to turn off the lights?" I groaned, "Honey, why don't you turn off the lights tonight?" She replied, "I thought you would because my dad always turned off the lights."

Suddenly, I was wide awake. It dawned on me why I had been suffering occasional minor frostbite on my feet. I shot back, "But I'm not your dad!" The expectations we brought to marriage set us up to buy into the 50/50 Plan. My wife was sure that I would do my part and meet her halfway by always getting up to turn off the lights. On the night I flatly refused, I was pushing her to do her part and meet me halfway.

Our disagreement revealed the biggest weakness of the 50/50 Plan: It is impossible to determine if your spouse has met you halfway. Because neither of you can agree on where halfway is, each is left to scrutinize the other's performance from a jaded, often selfish perspective. Many times in a marriage, both partners are busy, overworked, and feel taken for granted. The real question isn't who faced the most pressure that day. The important issue is how you build oneness and teamwork instead of keeping score and waiting for the other person to meet you halfway. Check back later for how to build oneness in your marriage and not fall prey to The World’s 50/50 Plan.

Please comment below or email me directly at curtis.songer@gmail.com

God's Amazing Promise

Luke 12:22-32

Anxiety is reaching epidemic proportions in our culture. As believers, however, we are commanded not to worry (v. 22). Instead, we're to rely on a conditional promise from our heavenly Father: If we will seek His kingdom, all our needs will be provided (v. 31). This is the opposite of the world's philosophy, which tells us to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps and do what we can to meet our own needs. What a relief to rely on the sovereign King of all creation instead of our meager strength.

Consider these qualities of our King:

• He keeps His word. Every promise is backed by His divine nature. According to Titus 1:2, God cannot lie. He never makes a promise that He won't keep.

• He is all-knowing. Our heavenly Father is mindful of all our needs—the ones we bring to Him in prayer as well as those of which we are unaware.

• He is all-powerful. The sovereign Ruler of the universe backs His promises with almighty power. "Nothing will be impossible with God" (Luke 1:37).

• He cares. God's provision for birds and flowers is proof of His even greater care for those who are made in His image. Not only is He able to meet our needs, but He also wants to provide for us.

Will you believe God, seek His kingdom, and rest in the peace that passes understanding? Or will you doubt Him and live with the anxiety of not being sure your needs will be met? The promise is given, the fulfillment is certain, and now the choice is yours.

Please respond below or email your comments to me at curtis.songer@gmail.com

Is It Enough?

Through His own blood, He entered the holy place once for all, having obtained eternal redemption.
Hebrews 9:12

It began as a short, one-night romantic getaway for Martin and Gracia Burnham. It turned into a year-long nightmare when armed Philippine rebels burst into their cabin and took them hostage. These humble, hardworking missionaries, whose hearts had been wedded to their work in the Philippines, now found themselves with a handful of other captives, trudging at gunpoint through the tropical jungles of this island nation.

By the time it was all over, Martin was dead from a stray bullet fired during their rescue. Gracia escaped but was a widow. There are many amazing accounts of faith recorded in Gracia's autobiography, In the Presence of My Enemies, describing the events and emotions of those harrowing 12 months. But one of the most haunting was one she shared with us one day in a radio interview.

As their hostage odyssey neared Easter, Martin and Gracia were told by their captors that a sizable amount of ransom money had appeared in the camp. Gracia's family had collected it, hoping against hope that it would be sufficient to satisfy the terrorists' demands. But in the typical fashion of irrational diplomacy, the leaders of the group called the couple over and made this curt pronouncement: "There is a ransom that's been paid for you, but we've decided it's not enough."

That really struck me, especially with "Easter" and "ransom" being mentioned in such close proximity. How tragic would it be to go through life, not knowing for sure whether Christ's payment -- His ransom for us -- was enough. What if our lives, instead of being safe and secure in the arms of His forever provision, were still teetering in limbo, subject to the changing whims of an unpredictable, unjust God?

There are many things in this life we do worry about. But thankfully, we won't have to worry about our eternal salvation. His (Jesus) ransom has already been declared complete and acceptable on our behalf.

Please comment below or email me at curtis.songer@gmail.com

Five Essentials for a Thriving Marriage

The following are 5 essentials for a growing, thriving marriage:

1. Be thankful for your spouse.
The demands of life, family, and work can cloud your attitude toward the one you chose to accompany you through life. Thanking God often for your spouse is a practical way to focus on what is good and admirable about him or her. It is helpful to occasionally reflect on the early days and recall what attracted you, what made you pledge your life and love to each other, and be thankful.

2. Practice communicating from the heart.
It is vital to communicate authentically in both the good and the difficult times of marriage. As you grow together, you will learn more about the how and when of communicating well with your spouse, so pay attention to what works and what doesn't. Transparent conversation where each of you risks revealing your deepest thoughts, ideas, fears, hopes, and dreams creates the strong foundation of a lasting marriage.

3. Be intimate.
From relational intimacy springs sexual intimacy. The safety of being known and still being accepted--in spite of our flaws--finds its expression in marriage through sex. It is a gift to married couples from God. Relational and sexual intimacy keeps a marriage from deteriorating into little more than a legally arranged partnership. Remember, it takes time and attentiveness to nurture this kind of relationship.

4. Practice the power of forgiveness.
Because we are broken, imperfect human beings, we will fail our spouse repeatedly. We will focus on flaws, cease to communicate, and offend each other without trying. All of this demands a steady supply of forgiveness. There is great power in forgiveness; it says, "The fight is over and I will not try to punish you." Failing marriages can be revived by forgiveness; healthy marriages are sustained by it.

5. Be teachable.
Marriages are always a work in progress. Each spouse is changing and developing, which means there are new things to learn at every age. Sometimes marriages run into problems that need the help of a third party. If this happens in your marriage, find someone who will work in support of your marriage, not just agree with your grievances. Make sure this person is committed to both Christ and the two of you.

As you break from the noise of your day to reflect on the ways God is blessing you through the life of your spouse, I pray that your heart will be filled with gratitude for this gift He has given--someone to love and to be loved by - fashioned by the Creator especially for you. I pray God will show you ways to express your heart openly to your spouse so the two of you will grow even closer. I pray that you will enjoy intimacy of soul and body and that your passion becomes fuller and deeper each day. I pray that the love in your marriage will be so real, so vibrant, so lasting that all who see it will know God gave this love to you.

Please comment below or respond via email at curtis.songer@gmail.com

An Update on the Songer Family

Many people have been asking how we are doing as we transition off staff at New Community Church, so here is an update...

We have very fond memories of our years of service at New Community and the many ministries we helped to get started there: the AWANA children’s discipleship program, the College Ministry, Compassion Days, the Prayer Ministry, the Mission Team, the TLC adult discipleship classes on Wednesday nights, the growth of the 20-something ministry via the innovative Sunday Night Worship service, and re-establishing the church-wide community events - just to name a few! I will also forever remember and be grateful for the countless opportunities to counsel with, pray for, and cry with people going the difficulties and trials that make up life. It was the best part of my job as Executive Pastor. Martha and I love all those whose lives have touched us and who have allowed us to be a part of their lives.

The severance package the church provided us with comes to an end in on May 31. We have no other source of income at this time. Given our ongoing financial recovery from going into ministry 2.5 years ago, we are in a very difficult position financially. So much so that I have even considered leaving the ministry and going back into business in order to feed and clothe my family. The job search has been going exceedingly slow despite our diligent efforts. Many positions have been applied for, inside and outside of Pittsburgh, both in ministry and in business. Some interviews have occurred, but no jobs have materialized. At this point, it is still the strong desire of our heart to stay in Pittsburgh and to stay in ministry. The thought of leaving the ministry makes me grieve – it feels like the death of a close friend.

Although it has not been easy, we continue to have faith that God has a marvelous plan for our family. To date, we are not sure what that plan entails. We still believe that we are called to remain in ministry and in Pittsburgh. Since no ministry positions have become available, we are even praying about the possibility of starting a new church, focused on family ministries and helping those in need. This would be a huge undertaking, so I would love to hear your feedback on this idea.

Consequently, your prayers are still desperately needed and appreciated. In addition, if you have any ideas or ways that you can help us (e.g., job referrals, godly advice), please let us know – soon!

Your Brother & Sister In Christ,
Curtis & Martha Songer
10570 Crest Rd.
Wexford, PA 15090
248-396-6255

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